Dear Shirley,
I’m writing to you today with a heavy heart and a mind full of worry. My son, Robert, is 15 and has become a stranger in his own home. He spends every waking moment locked away in his room, either with his nose in a book or scribbling away in a notebook. On the rare occasions he emerges from his room, I can hear that awful jazz music playing on his phonograph—it’s hardly fit for polite society, let alone a growing boy.
His friends call, but he just tells them he’s “busy.” Busy with what, I ask? Just yesterday, while he was at school, I went into his room and read some of his stories. It was all about the past, a time he’s never known. He wishes he could go back and live a different life. It’s all quite disturbing, to be honest.
I’m afraid he’s being sucked into this made-up world, and one day he’ll just disappear into it forever. I worry about him, about his future. How will he ever get a good job if he has no friends and no social skills? All the other boys his age are out playing baseball or going to the movies. My Robert just wants to hide away. Please, Shirley, tell me what to do. How do I save him from himself?
Sincerely,
A Concerned Mother
Dear Concerned Mother,
It seems you’ve found yourself in a rather peculiar predicament. It’s a tale as old as time, really: a mother worried her son is turning into a… well, a thinker. Oh, what a terrible fate that would be. One can only imagine the horrors of a child who prefers the company of books and his own thoughts to the rough-and-tumble world outside.
Let’s dissect this, shall we? You’re concerned he’s a “hermit.” You’ve even gone so far as to spy on him and read his private writings. A mother’s love, it seems, knows no bounds—nor does her curiosity. You’ve discovered he has a vibrant imagination, a longing for something more, and a passion for things like writing and music. And your reaction? Fear. You’re afraid he’s being “sucked into” this world, and you’re worried about his social life.
Tell me, what exactly is “normal” for a teenage boy? Is it a life spent chasing a ball, going to movies or following the crowd? And what, pray tell, is so wrong with being different? Perhaps your son is not destined to be just like all the others. Perhaps he is meant to be a creator, a dreamer, a storyteller. What is so frightening about that?
Instead of trying to “save him from himself,” perhaps you should be asking yourself what you’re trying to save him from. Are you worried about what the neighbors will think? Or are you simply uncomfortable with a son who is not a carbon copy of the boys in the other families on the street?
Instead of criticizing this “fantasy world” he has created, why don’t you try to understand it? Ask him about his stories. What inspires him? Who are his characters? Perhaps this “fantasy world” is simply a way for him to make sense of the real one. Instead of seeing his creativity as a threat, see it as a gift. He has a mind that can travel through time and create entire worlds out of thin air. How many people can say that?
Your son is not a project to be fixed. He is a young man with a unique mind and a rich inner life. The only thing you need to worry about is whether you’ll allow yourself to be a part of it.
With some common sense,
Shirley
