The Wit And Wisdom Of Horace B Miesner
Never underestimate the power of denial; it’s saved me a fortune in therapy.
WRYL – The Voice of the Great Up North
Category: Radio Station WRYL (Page 3 of 8)
Dear Shirley,
I’m an 18-year-old girl, and I’m writing to you because I am desperate. I met a man at a VFW dance, and he was so charming. He said all the right words, and I fell in love with him there that night. We have been dating for some time, but I haven’t told my parents because he is a lot older than I am. He was the first man to ever make love to me.
One day when I was out with some friends, I saw him walking down the street. I was so excited and wanted to snatch him and show him off to my girlfriends. But then I saw another woman come up to him, and they kissed. My heart was completely broken.
I confronted him the next night, and that’s when I found out he was married. But he told me he was going to get a divorce so we could be together for the rest of our lives. He said all those nice words again, and I fell right back in love with him.
Three days ago, I found out I was with child. I told him I was having his baby, and he got all defensive and said that it was my fault. After that, he has avoided me. He doesn’t return my calls and avoids me every chance he can get. I don’t know what I am going to do. I haven’t told my parents yet. I need your help.
Desperate
Jean
Dear Desperate Jean,
My heart aches for you. You have been terribly misled by a cad who has no regard for your well-being, and now you must face the consequences of his actions. I will not sugarcoat this for you. The path ahead is difficult, but it is not impossible if you face the truth with courage.
The first and most important thing you must do is to tell your parents. The shame you fear is a heavy burden, but it is far too heavy to carry alone. While some families, in their disappointment, may turn away from their own flesh and blood, a parent’s love for their child often finds a way to overcome even the deepest heartbreak. You must give them the chance to help you.
The man who took your virtue and promised you a life together is not who you thought he was. He has abandoned you when you needed him most, proving his words to be as empty as his character. You must understand that he will not return, and you must not waste another moment of your time trying to contact him.
With your parents, you must now decide on the best course of action. This is a matter of great gravity. You will need their guidance to make arrangements for the baby’s future, whether that is finding a way to provide for him or her yourself, or making the difficult but selfless choice of placing the child for adoption with a family who can provide a proper home. This is not a journey you can take alone, and your parents are your only real recourse.
Pray for strength and lean on your faith. There are communities and kind souls who will help a young woman in your position. With the support of your family, you will get through this.
Love and Prayers,
Shirley
The Wit And Wisdom Of Horace B Miesner
The best things in life are free… mostly because nobody wants them.
WRYL – The Voice of the Great Up North
Dear Shirley,
I’m writing to you today with a heavy heart and a mind full of worry. My son, Robert, is 15 and has become a stranger in his own home. He spends every waking moment locked away in his room, either with his nose in a book or scribbling away in a notebook. On the rare occasions he emerges from his room, I can hear that awful jazz music playing on his phonograph—it’s hardly fit for polite society, let alone a growing boy.
His friends call, but he just tells them he’s “busy.” Busy with what, I ask? Just yesterday, while he was at school, I went into his room and read some of his stories. It was all about the past, a time he’s never known. He wishes he could go back and live a different life. It’s all quite disturbing, to be honest.
I’m afraid he’s being sucked into this made-up world, and one day he’ll just disappear into it forever. I worry about him, about his future. How will he ever get a good job if he has no friends and no social skills? All the other boys his age are out playing baseball or going to the movies. My Robert just wants to hide away. Please, Shirley, tell me what to do. How do I save him from himself?
Sincerely,
A Concerned Mother
Dear Concerned Mother,
It seems you’ve found yourself in a rather peculiar predicament. It’s a tale as old as time, really: a mother worried her son is turning into a… well, a thinker. Oh, what a terrible fate that would be. One can only imagine the horrors of a child who prefers the company of books and his own thoughts to the rough-and-tumble world outside.
Let’s dissect this, shall we? You’re concerned he’s a “hermit.” You’ve even gone so far as to spy on him and read his private writings. A mother’s love, it seems, knows no bounds—nor does her curiosity. You’ve discovered he has a vibrant imagination, a longing for something more, and a passion for things like writing and music. And your reaction? Fear. You’re afraid he’s being “sucked into” this world, and you’re worried about his social life.
Tell me, what exactly is “normal” for a teenage boy? Is it a life spent chasing a ball, going to movies or following the crowd? And what, pray tell, is so wrong with being different? Perhaps your son is not destined to be just like all the others. Perhaps he is meant to be a creator, a dreamer, a storyteller. What is so frightening about that?
Instead of trying to “save him from himself,” perhaps you should be asking yourself what you’re trying to save him from. Are you worried about what the neighbors will think? Or are you simply uncomfortable with a son who is not a carbon copy of the boys in the other families on the street?
Instead of criticizing this “fantasy world” he has created, why don’t you try to understand it? Ask him about his stories. What inspires him? Who are his characters? Perhaps this “fantasy world” is simply a way for him to make sense of the real one. Instead of seeing his creativity as a threat, see it as a gift. He has a mind that can travel through time and create entire worlds out of thin air. How many people can say that?
Your son is not a project to be fixed. He is a young man with a unique mind and a rich inner life. The only thing you need to worry about is whether you’ll allow yourself to be a part of it.
With some common sense,
Shirley
Things Our Mother Taught Us
My Mother taught me Logic
“Because I said so! That’s why!”
This has been a public service announcement from WRYL
The Voice of the Great Up North
The Wit And Wisdom Of Horace B Miesner
Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.
WRYL – The Voice of the Great Up North
Dear Shirley,
I’m at my absolute wit’s end, and I fear my thoroughly modern kitchen will soon be the scene of a rather un-modern meltdown. My husband’s parents, bless their cotton socks, have decided that our humble abode is merely an extension of their own, and my life, a delightful little play in which they are the uncredited directors.
My mother-in-law, “Agnes,” is a veritable whirlwind of unsolicited advice. She critiques my perfectly adequate casserole dishes, suggests I “dust more thoroughly” (as if I were a mere slip of a girl who just learned to keep house!), and has even dared to rearrange my linen closet, claiming my towels were not “folded with proper respect.” And don’t even get me started on her “helpful” tips for raising our children – apparently, a good smack on the bottom is still the cure-all for everything from a scraped knee to a less-than-perfect report card.
Then there’s Father-in-law, “Clarence,” who insists on “stopping by” unannounced almost daily to “check on things.” He’ll march right into the garage to inspect my husband’s tools, offer booming opinions on our lawn care, and once, he even timed how long it took me to get dinner on the table. My husband, bless his dear heart, just chuckles and says, “That’s just Ma and Pa!” I love him, Abby, but I feel like I’m living in a fishbowl, constantly under the judgmental gaze of the ” elders.”
How can I politely, yet firmly, tell them to mind their own beeswax without causing a family ruckus that would surely be the talk of the Ladies’ Aid Society for weeks? I’m afraid I’ll lose my perfectly groomed temper!
Sincerely,
A Modern Homemaker on the Brink
Dear Modern Homemaker,
My, my, it sounds as if you’ve got yourself a classic case of what we call “over-cultivated family gardens.” Agnes and Clarence, it seems, believe your life is just another plot that requires their expert pruning and fertilizing, whether you asked for it or not!
Let’s address this delicate situation before you find yourself serving burnt toast and a side of bitter resentment at Sunday dinner.
The Gentle Art of Drawing Lines
First, your dear husband. While his “that’s just Ma and Pa!” attitude is sweet, it’s about as helpful as a screen door on a submarine. Have a quiet word with him, perhaps over a perfectly brewed cup of coffee (made to your specifications, of course). Explain, gently but firmly, that while you adore his parents, a little less “help” would go a long way in preserving your sanity – and your marriage. He needs to understand that a united front is essential, even if it feels a tad disloyal. Remind him that a happy wife makes for a happy life, and frankly, a less critiqued casserole.
Now, for Agnes and Clarence. This requires the finesse of a debutante at a tea party, combined with the quiet determination of a well-behaved housewife who knows her own mind.
- For Agnes, the Domestic Dictator: When she offers a critique on your spotless home, a cheerful yet dismissive, “Oh, Agnes, isn’t that just darling? I find this way works perfectly for our family,” should do the trick. If she starts rearranging your towels again, a polite, “Oh, please don’t trouble yourself, Agnes. I just tidied those!” delivered with a firm hand on the linen closet door, should send the message. Remember, a smile can hide a multitude of internal eye-rolls.
- For Clarence, the Unannounced Inspector: When he pops over uninvited, greet him at the door with a beaming smile and a slight hint of business. “Clarence, how lovely to see you! We were just in the middle of [insert any legitimate (or semi-legitimate) activity here – ‘polishing the silver,’ ‘sorting stamps,’ ‘balancing the checkbook’]. Do come in for a moment, but we’ll have to get back to it shortly.” Make it clear that while you are hospitable, your schedule dictates the visit. And perhaps “forget” to hear the doorbell once or twice. Accidents do happen, you know.
The Power of a Unified Front
The key, my dear, is consistency and a subtle, unyielding refusal to engage in debates. You are not asking for permission; you are politely stating facts about your home and your life. They may huff, they may puff, they may even try to garner sympathy from the bridge club, but eventually, they will learn that their unsolicited advice is bouncing off a perfectly polished, polite, but impenetrable shield.
Remember, a little distance often makes the heart grow fonder, especially when that distance involves a respectful understanding of personal boundaries. Now, go forth, reclaim your linen closet, and enjoy your perfectly adequate casserole. You’ve earned it!
Warmly (and with a wink),
Shirley
